November 26, 2008
well i have been home for 4 weeks now. i have gotten out alot but it has been much more challening than i had anticipated. there is something that i don't think many people understand, i know i did not have clue. when i saw a person who lived in a chair i did not realize, had no clue on a day to day basis what they go through just to live. if i were to divide not being able to walk and all the other junk that goes with spinal cord injury, i would choose not being able to walk. would you like an incomplete list of the junk? :-0 the sparatic low blood pressure issues (dizziness, visual disturbances); the effort it takes with bowel and bladder non-function, the constant pain, yes isn't that a bummer i am mostly numb with 90% of my body except neurological burning pain, mostly in my rear; frequent muscle spasms in my legs and trunk muscles, they contract hard with out my consent sometimes almost throwing me out of my chair (not funny to me but funny to others; having to take a little blue pill in order to share my love physically with my beautiful wife (using only my arms to move my body, this is definitely a challenge but one i am willing to diligently work on); repositioning my body every three hours at night to avoid bed sores and turning on the lights to catheter my self; temperature regulating issues, random sweating; i get extreme stiffness throughout my back and my hips due to the bone "tumor" growing around my hips; the lack of stimulus to my brain from my body making it more of a struggle to keep my emotions up.
so i have had more down moments than i had planned on. the past week excluding today i was much more positive. there is a time to cry and feel sorry for myself and let out that sadness, the confusion, the loneliness. there is also the time to let go and except what i have and be thankful for all the beautiful people and things this wonderful world has to offer.
in closing i am in grattitude for all the love that is out there
Happy Thanksgiving
Jason, Joelle and the kids
